10 THINGS DESI AUNTIES DO AT WEDDINGS

10 THINGS DESI AUNTIES DO AT WEDDINGS

Don’t get us wrong, we have nothing against desi aunties. Most of them are great. But there is this minority of them who make all the others look bad. They are the kind who hate their lives and try to make others’ just as miserable. They are the meethi churi kind of people, and in this post we are talking about those kinds of desi aunties:

1. Beta shaadi kab kar rahi ho?

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This is their favourite question of all time. Desi Aunties never have to face the awkward silence because they will pop this question in front of almost every young girl or boy they meet at a shaadi. Science has not been able to figure out why they love this question so much, but we have a vague idea (Unfortunately).

2. Beta kitna kama lete ho?

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This is an offensive and very private question, but desi aunties do not understand that and they probably never will. Why aunty, why do you need to know about my earnings? Why do you care? If you want an ice-cream you can just ask. And God forbid that they come across a girl who works. First, they will pass a very scandalised look and then they will ask the same question to them.

Dear Aunty,

It is not okay to ask this question, even if it is a girl!

Sincerely,

Fed-up.

3. Khana khul gaya!

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The stage when they give a dhakka to every person to get the first tikka and a fresh naan. No matter how many toes they have to squash or how many bachey  need to fall, they take up this challenge like Tom Cruise in Mission Impossible, unstoppable and fearless.

4. Overload

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They will fill their plate as much as possible until it can feed 10 hungry stomachs. They will obviously eat it alone (no sharing) and let all the food go to waste. And then they make a trip again when they hear Shumaila Baji saying that the chawal they left were the best. And obviously, they have to pile up on the desert even if they are full.

5. The geebat session

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They will keep on talking about how bad and evil some person is and how badtameez somebody’s daughter is, but they will never bat an eye at themselves while they are talking bad about everybody who is not at the event.

6. The fashion critics

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They will analyize and criticize the bride’s entire get up and try to find as many keerey as they want.

Is ka makeup bohat over hai! Or Is ki lipstick bohat light hai!

Is ka jora bohat cheap lag raha hai! Or Touba kaprey pe itney paise kon zaya karta hai?

7. Ayien na ghar ayien

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They will say it to everybody even if they mean it or not. Well, it is kind of sweet sometimes (depends on who it is coming from). But sometimes the conversations get soooooooo long that they become quite unbearable.

‘Beta ghar aana’

‘Jee aunty’

‘Beta ammi ko bhi le aana’

‘Zaroor aunty’

‘Jaldi aana acha?’

‘Jee aunty’

‘Mei tumharey liye tumharey favourite kareeley banao gi’

*abort mission, abort mission*

‘Phir aana haan zaroor ghar pe’

‘Jee zaroor aunty’

‘Mere ghar ka address pata na ho tou call zaroor karlena’

‘Haan haan aunty bilkul’

‘Aur beta shaadi kab kar rahi ho?’

*#@$%^&*

8. Finding a rishta for their own kid

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Desi aunties are like hawks at shaadis. They keep their eyes wide open for any potential rishta candidate they can spot at the event. Even if it is a 16-year-old girl for their 30-year-old son, if they like her, they will keep on hovering around her. And then they will make the whole ordeal awkward for the girl by being upfront and telling her she will be her bahu in near future.

9. The kidding kid

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They will make some very offensive sexist and racist jokes without a filter in their mouth. And then they will laugh frantically at them. Whether it is stereotyping all girls and boys or judging the other sects very bigotedly, they have done it all, without remorse.

10. Judging your deen

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There is nothing desi aunties love more than judging other’s religious practices. They either think they are the most religious ‘Allah waley’ people on earth or they are too cool to be following the Shariah law.

About Shadi Tayari

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